i am not going to lie.  i am having a tough time.  i cry myself to sleep.  i ask “why?” i feel so angry i can barely breath and i feel far from festive.  we went on a little excursion this weekend to find just the right tree, my babies were giggling, the snow was quietly falling, and i was somewhere else.  my heart was and still is with the little town that has a tragedy that is way too big.  

how do you move past this type of awful and show pretty things, and snazzy frivolousness?  all the things i had felt so much joy sharing with all of you just seem silly now.  running out and getting the last few gifts seems like a colossal waste of time.  “merry” is not how i feel.  i want to do something, but for the life of me, can’t figure out what that is.  i wish it were possible to throw a big warm blanket over every single child and protect them from this evil that is far larger than i had ever thought possible.  the point is i don’t know what to say or where to go from here?

i guess am going to do my best to love my family enough, so much that maybe some of it can spill over on those families that are one less this year.  i am not going to take anything for granted.  i will do my best to run from the fear, anger and hate and look for the good.  i will never forget, but i will never indulge the terrible details.  

i just couldn’t continue on my little blog called bliss, without saying something and letting you that i am just plain sad…but hopeful too.  the hope i have comes from the stories of all the good that has risen from newtown, connecticut; the stories of heroic acts and caring neighbors. i heard this quote this weekend:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” 
― Fred Rogers

this has helped me…i hope you can find some type of peace from it as well.

usa today has also done a wonderful job of compiling a list of ways we can help the families that have lost so much…please read it here.

xo mrs. french